i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the condom got lost in my hair
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
