Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
