sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
