we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
