He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
