we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The ass gains better be worth it
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