If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
