I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
