we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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