I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
