the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
