Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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