Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
