the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize