I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
