he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
