She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
