I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
