I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
