I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
