Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
