i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
