You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
