that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
