??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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