Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
