You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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