I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
