What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
