went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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