the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
