Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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