the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
