This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize