if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
