dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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