What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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