I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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