There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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