If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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