it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
