Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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