textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
