if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
