i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
