**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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