I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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