Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
