Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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