respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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