just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
