just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
