We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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