It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
