2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
