i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
