been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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