There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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