I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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