Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His nipple licking is glorious
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