He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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