Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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