you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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