i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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