If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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