I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
