I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
