Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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