I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
