the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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