Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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