My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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