I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
