she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then my night got REAL pukey
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
