there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
