i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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