She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
