there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
