try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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