I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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