Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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