I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
